Ancient Web: Novelty Answering Machine Archived the Silly Cassette Greetings

Part of the Ancient Web Collection.

Before voicemail became an invisible part of a phone network, people sometimes spent actual money on a cassette of jokes to play whenever somebody called their house.

Visit the Novelty Answering Machine archive.

Matthew Furman says he began collecting novelty answering-machine recordings in 2013, tracking down cassettes, CDs, and digital copies. Some messages parody celebrities; others offer songs, holiday jokes, cartoon characters, or an imitation telephone operator.

The real treasure is the recording index. It lists multiple At the Sound of the Beep collections, Celebrity Answer Alls, Celebrity Phone, Rich Little Phonies, and an assortment of RadioShack novelty-tape editions. Smaller entries include greetings themed around Garfield, Star Trek, Dr. Demento, Reba McEntire, and the voices of telecommunications announcers.

The archive is not simply an array of random MP3s. It preserves recordings under the names of the physical collections in which they once circulated. That organization tells us there was a miniature commercial culture around making your answering machine sound unlike everybody else's.

Some gaps belong in the catalogue

The site marks certain volumes as missing and asks readers whether they have copies. It specifically identifies an absent volume of Celebrity Answer Alls and missing Celebrity Phone editions, giving collectors a visible list of gaps to fill.

There is also a useful example of preservation meeting creators' rights. A notice states that Crazy Calls Classics recordings were removed at the request of M&I Recording Studios while the company prepared to sell the material again. Furman does not claim preservation gives him unlimited permission to distribute every recording.

He warns that much of the sound comes from aging cassettes and may vary in quality. The site continues to solicit contributions, and its homepage shows updates in 2025.

This is not a website born during the early Web. It qualifies because it preserves the media and habits of an earlier telephone era, using a hand-maintained archive to catalog recordings that might otherwise vanish as tape players disappear.

What looks like disposable novelty entertainment can tell future listeners how people performed identity before a caller even heard a human voice.

Browse the tape and CD collections in the audio archive.

Part of the Ancient Web Collection.